1. 1
    18
    Oct

    “Sometimes, you are invisible. I have no idea what this must feel like, to pass right by your people and not be recognized, to not be seen.”

  2. 5
    17
    Oct

    just visiting today brought up negative feelings. and listening to the gossip of what’s happening there now makes me realize that:

    1) feelings like envy are temporary, and i know where it comes from. i need to work on that.

    2) it’s just because of the uncertainty and unknown i’m experiencing, which is also temporary,

    2.5) looking from the outside in is like mirror. it doesn’t reflect reality.

    3) i don’t want to work at an org that brings up those individualistic feelings. that’s not the place i want to be. and i don’t want to be that type of person in the world,

    4) i’m re-grounded in the fact that i want to do both movement-building and direct service, not just the latter. AND, rooted in the vision that i have for myself and it’s not the place.

  3. 13
    Oct

    i learned that i am 309 months old. 9404 days old. 25 years, 39 weeks and 0 days.

    that’s a trip.

  4. 3
    13
    Oct

    10/13, 1:55 am

    i finally feel empowered to write my statement of purpose. 2 days before it’s due.

    I’m ready, world.

  5. 1
    9
    Oct

    (Source: iloveflad)

  6. 10
    9
    Oct

    beautyinthebr0ken:

    I spent so much of the past 12 months thinking that it would take someone extraordinary to handle all of me.

    What I didn’t see is that I just needed someone who could see the extraordinary in me. 

  7. 1
    6
    Oct

    "…how deep-seated and pervasive [her] inclination to suffer in silence was, for everything about her wished not to place responsibility on others:
    her self-deprecation,
    her harshness toward self-pitying people,
    her sense of duty,
    even her way of crying (muted sobs rather than hysterical wailing)."

    - alain de botton, on love (1993)
  8. 2
    5
    Oct

    "China is still seized by thousands of protests every year, from irate migrant workers whose bosses have disappeared with the year’s salaries to middle-class marchers against poisonous factories. The exact numbers are hard to pin down, since what the government calls ‘mass incidents’ can be anything from a dozen pensioners to an angry crowd of thousands, but Chinese researchers estimate around 90,000 incidents a year.

    The reason the government doesn’t worry too much about these protests is because they are very localised. The paramilitary People’s Armed Police may bloodily clash with farmers, but local officials can also be sacked, unpopular policies rescinded, or families paid off — and the state has already won the war. In destroying any wider sense of civil society, they’ve eliminated any means by which these protests might link up into something more threatening. No institution, whether media, environmental groups, unions, or churches, has been allowed to develop into the kind of alternative framework that might bring diverse causes together. Any hint of sympathy protests or wider ideological campaigning is met with a vicious force, legal and otherwise, that has only become worse in the last few years; the very term ‘civil society’, common in 2008-2009, is now virtually taboo in Chinese media.

    But Hong Kong still has that civil society, and it’s fighting to stay free. Most of all, the Hong Kong protests themselves are part of a great Chinese tradition, not only of peasant revolt and popular uprising, but of the student demonstrations that made China’s 20th century, from the protests of 4 May 1919 onwards. The Chinese public have never been the complacent sheep or communal masses of some westerners’ imagination, but an active, powerful force.

  9. 3
    4
    Oct

    You can, but will you?

    One day, I woke up so refreshed, it felt like every cell in my body was revitalized. I ran to the window, looked outside and the sun was setting. I had missed the entire day SLEEPING.

    No biggie. I slept through the entire workday, and noticed my cell phone was bombarded with phone calls. They must’ve thought I died. Since when does Paul miss work? No call, no show is just aberrant behavior.

    It didn’t matter, because I felt like flying. I walked outside in my boxers, barefoot and all, and leapt into the air and flew. I didn’t get very far, because I thought to myself, “I can’t fly!”

    I landed in a playground not too far away, and a child walked up to me, and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I tried to fly, and I couldn’t stay up.

    He giggled and asked, “Why do you pretend that you cannot fly?”

    “Pretend??”

    “Just jump in the air and go!”, and there he went. He didn’t look back, and here I was, trapped on the ground.

    I jumped, and landed on my feet. I jumped again, and it seemed even more difficult.

    Then a little girl walks up to me, “What’s wrong?”

    “I can’t seem to fly”, I looked up into the sky as I said it.

    “Yes you can”, she said in a matter of fact way, “Just jump into the sky, don’t you remember?”

    “I came close when I got out of bed, but now, I don’t know…”, my voice trailed off, hoping she could help me in some miraculous way.

    “You’ll figure it out. It’s not hard.”

    “You make it sound so easy. I’m trying.”

    “Well, watch me“, and she flew into the sky, and never looked back.

    Why can’t I do that? Why can’t I….

    And it hit me. It was so obvious. I was simply asking the WRONG questions.

    It’s not that I “can’t” do it, because I just did it, even for a brief period of time.

    It’s just that I “won’t” do it.

    Why won’t I fly?

    Why won’t I fly? Why won’t I fly? I want to fly into the deep blue sky…

    And I jumped and flew after the little girl. As I flew faster, I eventually passed her and began looking for the boy, but he was nowhere to be found. I just wanted to show him that I made it, but it didn’t matter.

    They both helped me to see what I could not. That I was always capable. I had simply forgotten.

    It’s not that I can’t do something, it’s just that I won’t do itand that choice made all the difference in the world.

  10. 331339
    2
    Oct

    Three photos taken in the same place, different times of the year.

    (Source: faypants, via yesixicana)

avatar_96
"it’s time for us to move like water; infinite like the ocean, with the strength and direction of a thousand rivers carving routes to freedom; unafraid" -climbing poetree

25. dragon capricorn. isf(/t)j. asian american womxn. reflector.
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